I was putting away all the Christmas decorations today, when Evren casually walks into the room.
Evren: “Mom? (worried) What are you doing?!”
Jenn: “Putting away all the Christmas stuff. Christmas is over, sweetie.”
Evren: “WHHHHHYYYYYYY???????????”
Jenn: “Christmas is over, it’s all finished.”
Evren: “Fine. But we are going to do it all again when it’s my birthday!”
“A-1 Steak Sauce makes me slutty.”
This is NOT what I said, but it IS what was heard by everyone else at the table (and repeated to their amusement) while out to dinner one night over the holiday.
I’m thinking this should be my tag line at the bottom of my e-mails.
I just finished reading this book:
It’s a collection of Personal Ads from the London Review of Books, edited by David Rose.
5 Stars, this one. I highly recommend it and you can borrow my copy if you want.
Here are a few examples:
“I’ve divorced better men than you. And worn more expensive shoes than these. So don’t think placing this ad is the biggest comedown I’ve ever had to make. Sensitive F, 34.”
“I’d like to dedicate this advert to my mother (difficult cow, 65) who is responsible for me still being single at 36. Man. 36. Single. Held at home by years of subtle emotional abuse and at least 19 fake heart-attacks.”
“They call me Naughty Lola. Run-of-the-mill beardy physicist (M, 46).”
AND as a really fun bonus, in the back of the book, there is a timeline of all of Evel Knievel’s jumps and injuries. Why? I’m not exactly sure – but it’s completely fascinating.
I’m currently listening to this album in honor of a legend, James Brown.
This man has gotten me through many an hour on the treadmill.
Click to Enlarge.
Yesterday was a pretty average day. Normal things were done. Errands were run. Laundry was folded and then not put away. Ayla got out of school early for the beginning of her holiday break and then we spent a lovely two hours in Wal-Mart waiting for the oil to be changed. All typical.
And here are some things that actually came out of my mouth yesterday and are also all typical and not out of the ordinary.
“Quit trying to cut the Legos with the scissors! PUT. THE. SCISSORS. DOWN!”
“You are NOT bringing the vacuum cleaner parts with you in the car! No! Get out of the hall closet and get in the car RIGHT NOW!
“ NO MORE TAPE!!”
(we have a huge hardcover children’s atlas that is nearly as big as Evren that he had positioned at the top of the stairs and he was sitting on it with a wicked grin on his face)
“OH NO! Get up! You are NOT going to slide down the stairs on that book! You are going to bust your butt! Slowly…… get up……. back away…..”
“No Doritos for breakfast. No, you are not having Doritos for breakfast. Go put them back. No. No. Mommy said no. Did you hear me? Quit asking me. NO. No Doritos for breakfast. (… and on for at least 5 more minutes.)
“That snowman is a weapon! No! Don’t throw it!”
“Please quit smashing those peanuts with the hammer on Mommy’s desk. No. Your daddy DOES NOT crack open the peanuts that way. No. We are NOT taking the hammer in the car with us.”
(written on the inside)
Dear Mom & Dad,
I hope you have a super-duper Christmas. I love you more than anything in the galaxy!!! You’re lucky to have me!
Love, Ayla
(Cue Evren walking casually and purposefully into the kitchen for a cup of milk)…
“Mom. (with the sarcastic tone he could have only learned from his sister) Are you making cookies AGAIN?!”
Let’s play, “Guess Which Kid!”…
“Mom, mom, I need a piece of tape.”
(5 seconds later)
“Mom, I need 2 more pieces of tape.”
(5 seconds later)
“Mom, mom. I need 3 more pieces of tape.”
(5 seconds later)
“Mom, can I have some more tape please?”
(5 seconds later)
“Mom, mom, can I have (holding up 3 fingers) 3 more pieces of tape?”
(5 seconds later)
“Mom, I need 2 more pieces of tape.”
(5 seconds later)
“Mom, I need 3 more pieces of tape.”
(was it about this time I finally caught on? heh.)
“BUT MOM! IT’S IMPORTANT!”
(in case you can’t tell from the photo, those are pink post-its and a mechanical pencil taped to the wall – in the name of art)
UPDATE: Sorry, the stunningly beautiful photograph was lost in the blog transfer.
Sometime in the late, late hours last night I was sifting through the internet – only because I don’t currently have a Netflix movie to watch – and I stumbled upon this blog that has the absolute BEST idea for a Christmas party I’ve ever heard. YULE TIDE UN-FASHION by blogger Holly. We HAVE to do this next year, don’t you think?!
Here is a clip from David Sedaris that is titled 6 to 8 black men (feeling slightly uncomfortable? don’t worry) where he explains Sinterclaas. It is HILARIOUS and if you have a few minutes today I highly suggest you watch it.
Finally, here’s a great photo set, Christmas Island, posted on Flickr of Christmas past. Good times, from the looks of it.
In the car driving from the doctor’s office to Target to fill his prescription today…
(Has nothing at all to do with the story, that’s just what we happened to be doing)
Evren: “I don’t want to have fishes anymore.”
Jenn: “What?! Why not?”
Evren: “I want a new pet. I want a cat.”
Jenn: “Me too. (sigh)”
Evren: “Actually I want a parrot.” (aside: it’s the cutest thing when a 3-year old says ‘Actually’) “Mom? Do parrots stink?”
(that was the reason I said no to having a pet rabbit)
Jenn: “No, I don’t think parrots stink, but I think they are hard to take care of.”
Evren: “Mom. (exasperated) I’ll TELL you how to take care of a parrot. You go to the store and buy some parrot food and then you feed the parrot food to the parrot.”
Jenn: “That’s it?”
Evren: “Yep. That’s it.”
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